child marketing

Note to Self:

You used the term "brilliant child marketing" to describe Disney. Every major diaper company has Disney characters on them - call it branding or indoctrination, but it isn't marketing.  Not when they aren't mature enough to understand.  The positive? It's your child's chance to do to Disney what they'll do to your child: fill them full of crap. So maybe we can ditch the term "child marketing" and call it what it is - the economic pimping of little kids minds.

Sincerely:
John

Google

Note to Self:

Google doesn't own your mind.  Although they now organize your e-mail, your documents and your calendar, Google is not your master.  They are the world's most powerful advertising agency.  So, don't give them free advertising by always inserting the word "Google" instead of "search."  You took it to a new level yesterday when you couldn't find your shoes and you said you'd have to Google it.  In fact, the minute Google knows where your shoes or keys or mojo have gone is the moment they know too much about your life.

Sincerely:
John

funny

Note to Self:

You often use the word "funny" when things are not funny.  Typically, it is after a story that someone tells that isn't really comical or tragic or insightful.  So, you say "that's funny" as an act of consolation.  It's the box of Tide that the loser gets when he's failed at Family Feud.  Other times, you use "that's funny" to describe things that are anything but funny. "I find it funny that we bail out multi-billion dollar banks but try and hold first year ELL students accountable for an English-only standardized test."  Actually, you don't find that funny.  Not in the least. Not "ha ha" funny for sure, but not even in that lstm funny (laughing silently to myself).  The truth is that it infuriates you. So, perhaps it's time to ditch that word before you end up starting a sentence with "the funny thing about genocide. . ."

Sincerely:
John

fast food

Note to Self:

You asked someone yesterday if there were any fast food places near the training. Wrong term, John. Fast food is neither fast nor food.  So perhaps when you see fast food, you should choose one or the other.  Either fast or find food.  Next time call it what it is: deep fried processed chemicals.

Sincerely:
John

ethnic food

Note to Self:

You used the term "ethnic food" at the grocery store yesterday.  What you wanted to say was "Mexican spices" but you tailored to the vapid terminology used by supermarket marketers. You know better.  All food is ethnic.  Food never exists in a cultural vacuum.  Except perhaps Kraft Mac and Cheese.  That's pretty much tailored to a non-existent global, monolithic fast food culture.  Oh, and Pop Tarts.  Yeah, and you can add Hot Pockets to the list as well.  Beyond that, let's be honest.  All food is ethnic.

Sincerely:
John

strong male figure

Note to Self:

You told another teacher that you could handle a few eighth grade trouble makers because they might need a "strong male figure."  It's a nice term teachers use when they want to say, "this kid acted like a screw-off and you need to take him in your class." Others around you had used the term and without thinking, you tossed it around as well.  Sorry to break it to you, but you're not that strong.  You're not even that male -- if you are defining masculinity in a Chuck Norris, take-no-prisoners mentality.  What you can provide is a relationship, a connection, a sense of compassion mixed with a hard dose of truth.  Your strength will not come from being strong, but through being humble.  For a few of those kids, you might be the first example of a man who is sensitive and honest and faithful.

Sincerely:
John

absolute necessity

Note to Self:

You just wrote your principal explaining why a MacBook is not an absolute necessity.  You gave, as your reason, the fact that you own your own laptop running on Linux.  Here's the deal: you've gone from liking computers to needing computers to claiming they are absolute necessities.  You can live without a laptop.  (You've gone this far without owning a cell phone).  Absolute necessities are things like food and water and love and coffee.

Sincerely:
John

worst nightmare

Note to Self:

You have had many nightmares over the years: being chased by a rabid cartoon hippo, flying through the air only to be shot down by unsuspecting rednecks, showing up to school-class-church naked, being covered with flesh-burrowing insects who infect that brain and cause you to communicate only through pantomime and musical numbers.  If the Dodgers won the pennant it would be sad, but it would not be your worst nightmare.  If you had to succumb to societal pressures and someday own a cell phone, it would make you . . . normal.  And really, that's a far cry from your worst nightmares.

Sincerely:
John