Note to Self:
When you said, "I'm starving," I'm sure you meant it with cliche hyperbole. What you mean is "I'm inconveniently hungry," which is entirely different.Just remember that there are some people in this world who say, "I'm starving" and they really mean it. It is by accident of geography that you will never have to say those words while feeling the gut-wrenching reality of starvation. And it is by accident of geography that you can go back to the dinner table without thinking twice about true starvation.
Sincerely:
John
Thursday, May 27, 2010
home sourcing
Note to Self:
Alan suggested that you ditch the word "home sourcing" and he's right. I think you borrowed that term from The World Is Flat or one of those pop sociology books. I'm sure it has its place somewhere. But still, it sounds silly. "I home source my laundry. How cutting-edge." Or perhaps, "I am home-sourcing my dishes. No more sending them to the Laundry Centers in Dubai." See, it just doesn't work, does it?
Sincerely:
John
Alan suggested that you ditch the word "home sourcing" and he's right. I think you borrowed that term from The World Is Flat or one of those pop sociology books. I'm sure it has its place somewhere. But still, it sounds silly. "I home source my laundry. How cutting-edge." Or perhaps, "I am home-sourcing my dishes. No more sending them to the Laundry Centers in Dubai." See, it just doesn't work, does it?
Sincerely:
John
Sunday, May 23, 2010
life-long learners
Note to Self:
You often use the term "life-long learner" when, in fact, everyone continues to learn for a lifetime. It's a natural part of the human condition. Besides, learning for the sake of learning seems a bit empty and school-marmy. What you want for your students is something different. You want passionate learners. You want critical and creative thinkers. You want your students to learn to live well. A man learns something from watching professional golf. He learns about chip shots and fairways. He learns how to speak about golf without snickering at all of the innuendo. But that's not the kind of learning you want your students to pursue for a lifetime.
Sincerely:
John
You often use the term "life-long learner" when, in fact, everyone continues to learn for a lifetime. It's a natural part of the human condition. Besides, learning for the sake of learning seems a bit empty and school-marmy. What you want for your students is something different. You want passionate learners. You want critical and creative thinkers. You want your students to learn to live well. A man learns something from watching professional golf. He learns about chip shots and fairways. He learns how to speak about golf without snickering at all of the innuendo. But that's not the kind of learning you want your students to pursue for a lifetime.
Sincerely:
John
Saturday, May 22, 2010
needless to say
Note To Self:
You often use "needless to say," but you don't mean it. If it were really needless, you wouldn't say it. The phrase is empty and simply buys you more time on a dramatic ending. Your life isn't that dramatic so perhaps if something seems "needless to say," you could just shorten your stories, take out the commentary and get to the main point. You can add "to make a long story short," which is often used when you take a really short story and turn it into something intolerably long.
Sincerely:
John
You often use "needless to say," but you don't mean it. If it were really needless, you wouldn't say it. The phrase is empty and simply buys you more time on a dramatic ending. Your life isn't that dramatic so perhaps if something seems "needless to say," you could just shorten your stories, take out the commentary and get to the main point. You can add "to make a long story short," which is often used when you take a really short story and turn it into something intolerably long.
Sincerely:
John
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Cult Following
Note to Self:
Cults are scary. They are run by men with huge sunglasses who demand things like forced suicide and brain washing. And they tell you what to wear. Conan O'Brien doesn't have a cult following. He has a group of enthusiastic viewers. It's because he's funny and he screws with Big Media. Unless he buys a few thousand acres in Uganda and tries to recreate paradise on earth, he'll probably remain a tv personality and not a cult figure. Now Glenn Beck and Oprah Winfrey. . .
Sincerely:
John
Cults are scary. They are run by men with huge sunglasses who demand things like forced suicide and brain washing. And they tell you what to wear. Conan O'Brien doesn't have a cult following. He has a group of enthusiastic viewers. It's because he's funny and he screws with Big Media. Unless he buys a few thousand acres in Uganda and tries to recreate paradise on earth, he'll probably remain a tv personality and not a cult figure. Now Glenn Beck and Oprah Winfrey. . .
Sincerely:
John
papers
Note to Self:
You are as close as possible to teaching a paperless classroom. So, you might want to stop telling students to turn in papers. Unless you mean legal documentation, but I'm doubtful that you'll ever be a member of ICE. As long as you are ditching "papers," you might also want to ditch the term "folders," when in fact your students use tags and thus participate in folksonomy rather than linear organization.
Sincerely:
John
You are as close as possible to teaching a paperless classroom. So, you might want to stop telling students to turn in papers. Unless you mean legal documentation, but I'm doubtful that you'll ever be a member of ICE. As long as you are ditching "papers," you might also want to ditch the term "folders," when in fact your students use tags and thus participate in folksonomy rather than linear organization.
Sincerely:
John
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Postal Service
Note to Self:
Everyone you know calls it "the post office," so you might want to start using that terminology. Your incessant use of "The Postal Service" confuses people. They think you are referring to an indie side project whose music can best be described as "Death Cab for Cutie meets Super Mario Brothers soundtrack."Unless your mail carrier grows out his hair and becomes a trendy hipster, you probably will need to stick with the term "post office" in the future.
Sincerely:
John
Everyone you know calls it "the post office," so you might want to start using that terminology. Your incessant use of "The Postal Service" confuses people. They think you are referring to an indie side project whose music can best be described as "Death Cab for Cutie meets Super Mario Brothers soundtrack."Unless your mail carrier grows out his hair and becomes a trendy hipster, you probably will need to stick with the term "post office" in the future.
Sincerely:
John
Friday, May 14, 2010
Awesome
Note to Self:
Christy is right. You use the word awesome when, in fact, what you are describing does not create any sense of wonderment and awe. Garlic butter is a great thing, but it is probably not awesome. Bubble wrap is addicting, but it is not awesome. America's Test Kitchen is informative, but it is far from being an awesome show. You may ask, "What about s'mores? Can't s'mores at least remain awesome?" The answer would be a definitive, yes. Just watch Joel and Micah blow out a flaming marshmallow, set it on a bland store-brand graham cracker and carefully place their chocolate squares and you will see a sense of wonderment and awe.
Sincerely:
John
Christy is right. You use the word awesome when, in fact, what you are describing does not create any sense of wonderment and awe. Garlic butter is a great thing, but it is probably not awesome. Bubble wrap is addicting, but it is not awesome. America's Test Kitchen is informative, but it is far from being an awesome show. You may ask, "What about s'mores? Can't s'mores at least remain awesome?" The answer would be a definitive, yes. Just watch Joel and Micah blow out a flaming marshmallow, set it on a bland store-brand graham cracker and carefully place their chocolate squares and you will see a sense of wonderment and awe.
Sincerely:
John
Thursday, May 13, 2010
stupid
Note to Self:
It seemed like a tame word a few years back, didn't it? Stupid car. Stupid house. Stupid song on the radio. Just discount the creative work of others, because the criticism is a thing. Then you heard "stupid class" and "stupid lesson" and it felt like a sledgehammer to the stomach. You learned that stupid means something different in the barrio where you teach. Then you had kids and you accidentally said "stupid toy" and Joel rightfully went off on you for insulting Legos (albeit placed at just the right angle to damage bare feet). You learned quickly that "stupid" is like "hate." It's overused. Your students and your kids have taught you that the world isn't as stupid as you thought, just a little lost like you. And you learned just how elitist you can be when you become the Sultan of Stupid.
Sincerely:
John
It seemed like a tame word a few years back, didn't it? Stupid car. Stupid house. Stupid song on the radio. Just discount the creative work of others, because the criticism is a thing. Then you heard "stupid class" and "stupid lesson" and it felt like a sledgehammer to the stomach. You learned that stupid means something different in the barrio where you teach. Then you had kids and you accidentally said "stupid toy" and Joel rightfully went off on you for insulting Legos (albeit placed at just the right angle to damage bare feet). You learned quickly that "stupid" is like "hate." It's overused. Your students and your kids have taught you that the world isn't as stupid as you thought, just a little lost like you. And you learned just how elitist you can be when you become the Sultan of Stupid.
Sincerely:
John
with all due respect
Note to Self:
You are most likely to use "with all due respect" when, in fact, you no longer have any respect for whom you are talking. It's sort-of a nice way of saying, "Eff what you have to say. You will listen to me regardless of what you think." Might as well change it to, "with no due respect" or perhaps "just shut up and listen to me." Or you could try being a better listener and actually give them the respect they are due.
Sincerely:
John
You are most likely to use "with all due respect" when, in fact, you no longer have any respect for whom you are talking. It's sort-of a nice way of saying, "Eff what you have to say. You will listen to me regardless of what you think." Might as well change it to, "with no due respect" or perhaps "just shut up and listen to me." Or you could try being a better listener and actually give them the respect they are due.
Sincerely:
John
illegal immigrant
Note to Self:
No matter how often you hear the word, make sure you don't get sucked into that semantic environment. The term "illegal alien" is not simply pejorative, it's also inaccurate. The truth is that we are the immigrants. We gained this land through theft and extortion then signed a treaty promising open access. Besides, laws exist to serve humanity, not humanity to serve laws. So if a law violates human rights, it's not really a law anymore. If you want to find real aliens, you have to go to New Mexico.
Sincerely,
John
No matter how often you hear the word, make sure you don't get sucked into that semantic environment. The term "illegal alien" is not simply pejorative, it's also inaccurate. The truth is that we are the immigrants. We gained this land through theft and extortion then signed a treaty promising open access. Besides, laws exist to serve humanity, not humanity to serve laws. So if a law violates human rights, it's not really a law anymore. If you want to find real aliens, you have to go to New Mexico.
Sincerely,
John
fan
Note to Self:
Fans wear hats with logos and go out into freezing weather shirtless and covered in paint. They reschedule special occasions because they are busy living vicariously through the local hometown sports team. So, you might want to be careful about when you use the word fan. For example, "I'm glad we're getting rid of torture. I'm not a fan of torturing enemies." I doubt that anyone, even proponents of harsh interrogation techniques is a "fan of torture." No one pulls out a beer and some Kettle Korn, paints their bodies in red, white and blue and then chants out slogans during water boarding sessions. (Except, perhaps, Dick Cheney.)
Sincerely:
John
Fans wear hats with logos and go out into freezing weather shirtless and covered in paint. They reschedule special occasions because they are busy living vicariously through the local hometown sports team. So, you might want to be careful about when you use the word fan. For example, "I'm glad we're getting rid of torture. I'm not a fan of torturing enemies." I doubt that anyone, even proponents of harsh interrogation techniques is a "fan of torture." No one pulls out a beer and some Kettle Korn, paints their bodies in red, white and blue and then chants out slogans during water boarding sessions. (Except, perhaps, Dick Cheney.)
Sincerely:
John
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
educator
Note to Self:
Stop referring to yourself as "an educator." It sounds elitist and feels distant from the daily reality of your classroom experience. You tend to use it when you feel insecure about your vocation. Maybe at a cocktail party or a "meet and greet" (we could ditch that word as well) when people bust out their fancy euphemistic job titles "I'm a chief industrial polytechnic engineer." So, you say, "I'm an educator" and it conjures up images of tweed jackets and pipes and it's all really sophisticated. Except, it's not you. For what it's worth, you're not even a huge fan of formal education. You like learning. You like teaching. You like that give and take between instructing and listening, asking and waiting for questions. Don't ever feel ashamed of the term "teacher."
Sincerely:
John
Stop referring to yourself as "an educator." It sounds elitist and feels distant from the daily reality of your classroom experience. You tend to use it when you feel insecure about your vocation. Maybe at a cocktail party or a "meet and greet" (we could ditch that word as well) when people bust out their fancy euphemistic job titles "I'm a chief industrial polytechnic engineer." So, you say, "I'm an educator" and it conjures up images of tweed jackets and pipes and it's all really sophisticated. Except, it's not you. For what it's worth, you're not even a huge fan of formal education. You like learning. You like teaching. You like that give and take between instructing and listening, asking and waiting for questions. Don't ever feel ashamed of the term "teacher."
Sincerely:
John
game changer
Note to Self:
You and I both know that the iPad is not a game changer. It's a supersized ipod touch that's too big to fit in one's pocket. It's like an e-reader that's bad on the eyes, a netbook with no flash, multitasking or keyboard and an iPhone with no camera or phone capabilities. Maybe it's time people ditched the iPad. Then again, maybe it's time you ditched the term "game changer." After all, very few things ever "change the game" and when they do it's not really good. Take baseball, for example. The last real game-changer was the introduction of the designated hitter. That and steroids. Consider hockey. That last real game-changer there was moving the sport out of the Canadian icy wastelands and into the desert. Look how that turned out. So maybe we should keep the games as they are.
Sincerely:
John
You and I both know that the iPad is not a game changer. It's a supersized ipod touch that's too big to fit in one's pocket. It's like an e-reader that's bad on the eyes, a netbook with no flash, multitasking or keyboard and an iPhone with no camera or phone capabilities. Maybe it's time people ditched the iPad. Then again, maybe it's time you ditched the term "game changer." After all, very few things ever "change the game" and when they do it's not really good. Take baseball, for example. The last real game-changer was the introduction of the designated hitter. That and steroids. Consider hockey. That last real game-changer there was moving the sport out of the Canadian icy wastelands and into the desert. Look how that turned out. So maybe we should keep the games as they are.
Sincerely:
John
comic book
Note to Self:
Apparently they are called "graphic novels," even if they have superheroes. The student in third hour was right when he said, "There's not really anything comical about saving the world." I know, I know, you could make the case that grown men dressed in tights are comical. But then you'd have to start laughing at our Founding Fathers and in your state, a joke about the Fathers just might qualify for sedition (good thing you don't have an accent) and you'll lose your job. So just stick to "graphic novels" and you'll be safe.
Sincerely:
John
Apparently they are called "graphic novels," even if they have superheroes. The student in third hour was right when he said, "There's not really anything comical about saving the world." I know, I know, you could make the case that grown men dressed in tights are comical. But then you'd have to start laughing at our Founding Fathers and in your state, a joke about the Fathers just might qualify for sedition (good thing you don't have an accent) and you'll lose your job. So just stick to "graphic novels" and you'll be safe.
Sincerely:
John
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
exactly
Note to Self:
You speak in vague generalities almost all the time. See, "almost all the time" is pretty vague. You shudder at a world where everything is quantified and measured and estimated and state in a statistic. You find relief within the standard-deviated gray zone of the margin of error. So, why do you insist on using "exactly" when what you mean is "that's generally true, depending upon my flux of moods, the stream of consciousness and my overall propensity to over-agree in order to avoid conflict."
Sincerely:
John
Note: Thanks for the tip @jasonchri
You speak in vague generalities almost all the time. See, "almost all the time" is pretty vague. You shudder at a world where everything is quantified and measured and estimated and state in a statistic. You find relief within the standard-deviated gray zone of the margin of error. So, why do you insist on using "exactly" when what you mean is "that's generally true, depending upon my flux of moods, the stream of consciousness and my overall propensity to over-agree in order to avoid conflict."
Sincerely:
John
Note: Thanks for the tip @jasonchri
literally
Note to Self:
I think you meant "figuratively" when you said that the Suns "literally destroyed the Spurs." I double-checked on espn.com and it looks like the Spurs are still an NBA franchise. (If only it were that easy.) In fact, I've noticed how often you use "literally" in figurative contexts. You were not "literally dying laughing" at Jim Gaffigan. The man is funny, but he's not lethal.
Sincerely:
John
I think you meant "figuratively" when you said that the Suns "literally destroyed the Spurs." I double-checked on espn.com and it looks like the Spurs are still an NBA franchise. (If only it were that easy.) In fact, I've noticed how often you use "literally" in figurative contexts. You were not "literally dying laughing" at Jim Gaffigan. The man is funny, but he's not lethal.
Sincerely:
John
Monday, May 10, 2010
good kid
Note to Self:
Using the term "good student" would have been sketchy. After all, some of the best thinkers are members of the Legion of Piss Poor Scholars Who Nevertheless Think Well About Life. Yet, when you used it today, it was in an effort to defend a child. While your motives were good, you know deep within that there are not "good kids" and "bad kids." Just kids. Kids who have rough days and positive days and sad days and depressed days. You know that your students are capable of dark things and amazing things - every one of them. But when you use the term "good kid," it makes the assumption that there are bad kids out there. It cheapens the notion of redemption.
Sincerely:
John
Using the term "good student" would have been sketchy. After all, some of the best thinkers are members of the Legion of Piss Poor Scholars Who Nevertheless Think Well About Life. Yet, when you used it today, it was in an effort to defend a child. While your motives were good, you know deep within that there are not "good kids" and "bad kids." Just kids. Kids who have rough days and positive days and sad days and depressed days. You know that your students are capable of dark things and amazing things - every one of them. But when you use the term "good kid," it makes the assumption that there are bad kids out there. It cheapens the notion of redemption.
Sincerely:
John
enthusiast
Note to Self:
You are not a coffee enthusiast. You are an addict. No enthusiast wakes up in the morning with a single, solitary thought of consuming that which he is enthusiastic about. I have yet to see a stamp collector wake up early with the obsessive need to open a new package of stamps. You are not enthusiastic about coffee. You are dependent upon it in order to be enthusiastic about anything. Fortunately, it's a relatively tame addiction. If it were porn, it would kill your marriage. If it were meth, it would consume your life. You're safe with coffee. If everyone in a nation shares the same addiction, we get to call it something prettier like a "cultural norm." So, unless you join the LDS church, you might as well be transparent about your addiction to java.
Sincerely:
John
You are not a coffee enthusiast. You are an addict. No enthusiast wakes up in the morning with a single, solitary thought of consuming that which he is enthusiastic about. I have yet to see a stamp collector wake up early with the obsessive need to open a new package of stamps. You are not enthusiastic about coffee. You are dependent upon it in order to be enthusiastic about anything. Fortunately, it's a relatively tame addiction. If it were porn, it would kill your marriage. If it were meth, it would consume your life. You're safe with coffee. If everyone in a nation shares the same addiction, we get to call it something prettier like a "cultural norm." So, unless you join the LDS church, you might as well be transparent about your addiction to java.
Sincerely:
John
realist
Note to Self:
When you call yourself a realist, it is simply a nice way of saying "pessimist" which is a nice way of guarding who you really are - the perpetual optimist. Yes, you know the world is ugly. Yes, things have gotten bad in your home state. But you believe in hope, John. And as you hold a sleeping Brenna and she breaths quietly on the secure shoulder of her daddy, all is well in your universe.
Sincerely:
John
When you call yourself a realist, it is simply a nice way of saying "pessimist" which is a nice way of guarding who you really are - the perpetual optimist. Yes, you know the world is ugly. Yes, things have gotten bad in your home state. But you believe in hope, John. And as you hold a sleeping Brenna and she breaths quietly on the secure shoulder of her daddy, all is well in your universe.
Sincerely:
John
smart phone
Note to Self:
Phones are capable of amazing information processing. However, they are not smart. Not in the practical sense. Not in the philosophical sense. Sure as hell not in the existential sense. Any device that encourages mind sweeper doesn't really get the notion that life is a vapor. Christy's iPhone isn't really a cell phone and it's not a smart phone. So, call it what it is - a miniature computer, a paperback version of a net book.
Sincerely:
John
Phones are capable of amazing information processing. However, they are not smart. Not in the practical sense. Not in the philosophical sense. Sure as hell not in the existential sense. Any device that encourages mind sweeper doesn't really get the notion that life is a vapor. Christy's iPhone isn't really a cell phone and it's not a smart phone. So, call it what it is - a miniature computer, a paperback version of a net book.
Sincerely:
John
Sunday, May 9, 2010
peeps
Note to Self:
You just referred to your friends as your peeps. This fails on several levels. You can pull this off if your a 1990's hip hop icon. You're not. You can also pull this off if you are cutesy and use other phrases like "I heart this." It's not you. Finally, you can pull this off if you are literally referring to ginormous stale marshmallows colored and rolled in sugar. Unfortunately, you took the last of the Peeps and watched them expand in the microwave. Try "friends" next time, unless you are worried that people might mistake you for a Quaker.
Sincerely:
John
You just referred to your friends as your peeps. This fails on several levels. You can pull this off if your a 1990's hip hop icon. You're not. You can also pull this off if you are cutesy and use other phrases like "I heart this." It's not you. Finally, you can pull this off if you are literally referring to ginormous stale marshmallows colored and rolled in sugar. Unfortunately, you took the last of the Peeps and watched them expand in the microwave. Try "friends" next time, unless you are worried that people might mistake you for a Quaker.
Sincerely:
John
absolutely
Note to Self:
There are very few absolutes in this world, yet you have a tendency to use "absolutely" when you actually mean "quite tentatively barring a horrible accident, my own procrastination or the breakdown of the bureaucratic framework that holds this profession together." For example, when asked if you will be watching Modern Family you answered "absolutely" then you reneged on your promise and chose to build Lego towers with Micah.
Sincerely:
John
There are very few absolutes in this world, yet you have a tendency to use "absolutely" when you actually mean "quite tentatively barring a horrible accident, my own procrastination or the breakdown of the bureaucratic framework that holds this profession together." For example, when asked if you will be watching Modern Family you answered "absolutely" then you reneged on your promise and chose to build Lego towers with Micah.
Sincerely:
John
Saturday, May 8, 2010
magic bullet
Note to Self:
You used the term "no magic bullet" today to describe technology. The truth is that we shouldn't be looking for bullets (magic or not) in the first place. Let's try something creative rather than destructive. The last time we sought a technological magic bullet, we ended up splitting the atom. It was magical. Dark magic, but magical nonetheless. Not exactly what I'm looking for in terms of educational technology.
Sincerely:
John
you have to understand
Note to Self:
When you say "you have to understand," you are also saying, "understanding is not a choice." Don't get me wrong, there are times when understanding is vital, but the process is always multilateral. So, when Joel cries after a toy breaks, you can't make him understand anything. He'll have to discover it, sometimes painfully. Next time, try a question. Or just listen.
Sincerely:
John
When you say "you have to understand," you are also saying, "understanding is not a choice." Don't get me wrong, there are times when understanding is vital, but the process is always multilateral. So, when Joel cries after a toy breaks, you can't make him understand anything. He'll have to discover it, sometimes painfully. Next time, try a question. Or just listen.
Sincerely:
John
in the trenches
Note to Self:
Yesterday you described a workshop presenter as someone who "is still in the trenches" and hasn't lost touch. John, you've never been in the trenches. If it's a construction metaphor, your pansy non-calloused hands and your aversion to neon orange vests are evidence that you understand almost nothing of construction work. If it's a war metaphor, you might want to avoid it entirely. Wars are bloody and violent and destructive. You spend your day helping a class of thirty children learn to think better about life. Okay, it's closer to forty, but your having a blast and you are often learning as much from the conversation as they are. It's not a war zone. It's a refuge.
Sincerely:
John
PS - KCL brought up a great point. It's more like a garden than a refuge.
Yesterday you described a workshop presenter as someone who "is still in the trenches" and hasn't lost touch. John, you've never been in the trenches. If it's a construction metaphor, your pansy non-calloused hands and your aversion to neon orange vests are evidence that you understand almost nothing of construction work. If it's a war metaphor, you might want to avoid it entirely. Wars are bloody and violent and destructive. You spend your day helping a class of thirty children learn to think better about life. Okay, it's closer to forty, but your having a blast and you are often learning as much from the conversation as they are. It's not a war zone. It's a refuge.
Sincerely:
John
PS - KCL brought up a great point. It's more like a garden than a refuge.
Friday, May 7, 2010
crimes against humanity
Note to Self:
You might not enjoy Dancing with the Stars, but you cannot keep referring to the show as a "crime against humanity." Save that word for genocide. Besides, people love that show. It's not every day that you get to see washed-up talk show hosts compete against C-list actors for the adulation of the 45-65 year old demographic. After all, you enjoy watching the British Parliament on C-SPAN.
Sincerely:
John
You might not enjoy Dancing with the Stars, but you cannot keep referring to the show as a "crime against humanity." Save that word for genocide. Besides, people love that show. It's not every day that you get to see washed-up talk show hosts compete against C-list actors for the adulation of the 45-65 year old demographic. After all, you enjoy watching the British Parliament on C-SPAN.
Sincerely:
John
Regards
Note to Self:
Who knew that the "t" and the "g" were so close to one another on the keyboard? Perhaps "regards" isn't the best way to end an e-mail. Stick with "sincerely," even if you're not feeling all that sincere.
Sincerely:
John
Who knew that the "t" and the "g" were so close to one another on the keyboard? Perhaps "regards" isn't the best way to end an e-mail. Stick with "sincerely," even if you're not feeling all that sincere.
Sincerely:
John
high expectations
Note to Self:
When an educrat uses the term "high expectations," it is a code word for "teach to the test." Any notion of thinking better about life is now "fluff." For what it's worth, you don't really want high expectations. After all, if you expect your kids to be high when they enter class, you'll be responsible for supplying Moon Pies and rocky road ice cream. You're a teacher. You can't afford that kind of a grocery bill. So maybe you can continue with the expectation that every child will be able to think more critically about their world.
Sincerely:
John
When an educrat uses the term "high expectations," it is a code word for "teach to the test." Any notion of thinking better about life is now "fluff." For what it's worth, you don't really want high expectations. After all, if you expect your kids to be high when they enter class, you'll be responsible for supplying Moon Pies and rocky road ice cream. You're a teacher. You can't afford that kind of a grocery bill. So maybe you can continue with the expectation that every child will be able to think more critically about their world.
Sincerely:
John
Thursday, May 6, 2010
human resources
Note to Self:
John, you keep referring to your interactions with the "human resource" department (incidentally, they've been generally positive) when the term "human resources" always makes you cringe; as if the goal is to extract as much out of me as possible. Just remember that you are human, but you are not a resource. Sure, you have a few talents, perhaps even a superpower (if awkward silence can be considered a superpower). However, you are not an item to be extracted. You can't be handled or managed. You are not an investment. You are valuable for who you are rather than how you are labeled.
Sincerely:
John
John, you keep referring to your interactions with the "human resource" department (incidentally, they've been generally positive) when the term "human resources" always makes you cringe; as if the goal is to extract as much out of me as possible. Just remember that you are human, but you are not a resource. Sure, you have a few talents, perhaps even a superpower (if awkward silence can be considered a superpower). However, you are not an item to be extracted. You can't be handled or managed. You are not an investment. You are valuable for who you are rather than how you are labeled.
Sincerely:
John
curriculum
Note to Self:
You made the mistake yesterday of referring to the textbook as curriculum. Curriculum is a journey, a marathon, a set of ideas to think well about life. A textbook is a bureaucrat-imposed set of dogma, a secular catechism of sorts. It's not curriculum. Call it a textbook. Or better yet, call it McLearning - cheap and flashy, but fake and destructive.
Sincerely:
John
You made the mistake yesterday of referring to the textbook as curriculum. Curriculum is a journey, a marathon, a set of ideas to think well about life. A textbook is a bureaucrat-imposed set of dogma, a secular catechism of sorts. It's not curriculum. Call it a textbook. Or better yet, call it McLearning - cheap and flashy, but fake and destructive.
Sincerely:
John
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
social media
Note to Self:
You use the term "social media" when your are typically referring to one medium. Might want to avoid this, because you almost never use the correct verb-subject agreement of "Social media are . . ." Beyond that, the term is meaningless. Every medium is social. It's nothing revolutionary. Back in the day, it was called a front porch. (I suppose the first emoticons were sketched on cave walls, too.) So, if you want a social network, walk across the street, invite someone over for a pint and engage in a conversation that is not regulated by the 140-character rule. Until then, call Twitter what it is for you - a geeky, introverted escape from the world of RIF lists and lesson plan formats.
Sincerely:
John
You use the term "social media" when your are typically referring to one medium. Might want to avoid this, because you almost never use the correct verb-subject agreement of "Social media are . . ." Beyond that, the term is meaningless. Every medium is social. It's nothing revolutionary. Back in the day, it was called a front porch. (I suppose the first emoticons were sketched on cave walls, too.) So, if you want a social network, walk across the street, invite someone over for a pint and engage in a conversation that is not regulated by the 140-character rule. Until then, call Twitter what it is for you - a geeky, introverted escape from the world of RIF lists and lesson plan formats.
Sincerely:
John
the reality is . . .
Note to Self:
You often use figurative language when you write. Your posts are layered in a hodgepodge of metaphor. However, I hope you realize that a blog post is not a work of Fantasy. So, when you begin a sentence with "the reality is" (which you do quite often) it leaves the reader pondering whether there were dragons or elves or other fictitious woodland creatures inhabiting the prior paragraph. Which would be cool, really, because most of the time you're just talking about teaching or telling stories about your family or getting on a soapbox about the world. Your blog could use a few more clashes with giants.
Sincerely:
John
You often use figurative language when you write. Your posts are layered in a hodgepodge of metaphor. However, I hope you realize that a blog post is not a work of Fantasy. So, when you begin a sentence with "the reality is" (which you do quite often) it leaves the reader pondering whether there were dragons or elves or other fictitious woodland creatures inhabiting the prior paragraph. Which would be cool, really, because most of the time you're just talking about teaching or telling stories about your family or getting on a soapbox about the world. Your blog could use a few more clashes with giants.
Sincerely:
John
common
Note to Self:
Businesses love to use the word "commons" when they are, in fact, aiming to please America's nobility rather than the commoners. Hence, Kierland Commons in Scottsdale is not designed for you or anyone else who buys clothes at Ross and mows one's own yard and who uses toilet paper rolls as tissues. The "commons" should be a shared place, a democratic location that belongs to the public. Thus, never allow yourself to apply the words "common assessment" to a standardized test. What you spoke about yesterday was hierarchical rather than democratic, vertical rather than horizontal, created by a private interests rather than the public school teachers. Next time you are in a meeting with fellow teachers, be sure to use the term, "standardized tests" or, if you prefer, "heavy-handed, mindless bubble sheet created to rank students for the purpose of pleasing the authorities, raising home prices and adding an Exceeds banner to a school's front gate."
Sincerely:
John
Businesses love to use the word "commons" when they are, in fact, aiming to please America's nobility rather than the commoners. Hence, Kierland Commons in Scottsdale is not designed for you or anyone else who buys clothes at Ross and mows one's own yard and who uses toilet paper rolls as tissues. The "commons" should be a shared place, a democratic location that belongs to the public. Thus, never allow yourself to apply the words "common assessment" to a standardized test. What you spoke about yesterday was hierarchical rather than democratic, vertical rather than horizontal, created by a private interests rather than the public school teachers. Next time you are in a meeting with fellow teachers, be sure to use the term, "standardized tests" or, if you prefer, "heavy-handed, mindless bubble sheet created to rank students for the purpose of pleasing the authorities, raising home prices and adding an Exceeds banner to a school's front gate."
Sincerely:
John
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
velocity
Note to Self:
Baseball announcers no longer use the word "speed" and instead opt for the term "velocity." The impetus could be a confusion with drugs. However, it is doubtful that a baseball player would choose speed when the most dominant drug would be Human Growth Hormones. Perhaps the issue is one of scientific precision. However, baseball announcers still use the term "sunset" rather than "earth rotation hour." I suppose it has to do with direction. But last time I checked, the pitching mound is pretty static. All of this to say, you're not a baseball announcer John. Use the word "speed" to describe a fastball.
Sincerely:
John
Baseball announcers no longer use the word "speed" and instead opt for the term "velocity." The impetus could be a confusion with drugs. However, it is doubtful that a baseball player would choose speed when the most dominant drug would be Human Growth Hormones. Perhaps the issue is one of scientific precision. However, baseball announcers still use the term "sunset" rather than "earth rotation hour." I suppose it has to do with direction. But last time I checked, the pitching mound is pretty static. All of this to say, you're not a baseball announcer John. Use the word "speed" to describe a fastball.
Sincerely:
John
lol
Note to Self:
You very rarely laugh aloud. You have never, ever laughed out loud. So, what was with the lol in that e-mail? You're a liar and you're grammatically incorrect. Oh, you could always abbreviate it as LA, but then people would think that you were referring to Los Angeles or Louisiana. Next time, just use the words, "that's funny" or, if you want to be really concise, "ha ha." Or, if you want to be even more concise, try :)
Sincerely:
John
PS: Or, if you want to follow Russ Goerend's advice, you could always go super-villain and bust out a muahahahaha
You very rarely laugh aloud. You have never, ever laughed out loud. So, what was with the lol in that e-mail? You're a liar and you're grammatically incorrect. Oh, you could always abbreviate it as LA, but then people would think that you were referring to Los Angeles or Louisiana. Next time, just use the words, "that's funny" or, if you want to be really concise, "ha ha." Or, if you want to be even more concise, try :)
Sincerely:
John
PS: Or, if you want to follow Russ Goerend's advice, you could always go super-villain and bust out a muahahahaha
Monday, May 3, 2010
intervention
Note to Self:
If a kid can't figure out the Quadratic Equation, it's sad. Really, it is. Because in life, you have to bust out the Quadratic Equation . . . Um, I'm not really sure who uses the Quadratic Equation, but it remains important. Still, the term "intervention" conjures up images of families in tears, conversations about rehab and a grown-up circle time where everyone holds styrofoam cups and talks about their addictions. Not exactly what you want students to imagine. So maybe you could just change the language to "help" or "extra support." Your students aren't wrestling Heroin demons, they're having a tough time with passive voice.
Sincerely:
John
If a kid can't figure out the Quadratic Equation, it's sad. Really, it is. Because in life, you have to bust out the Quadratic Equation . . . Um, I'm not really sure who uses the Quadratic Equation, but it remains important. Still, the term "intervention" conjures up images of families in tears, conversations about rehab and a grown-up circle time where everyone holds styrofoam cups and talks about their addictions. Not exactly what you want students to imagine. So maybe you could just change the language to "help" or "extra support." Your students aren't wrestling Heroin demons, they're having a tough time with passive voice.
Sincerely:
John
political party
Note to Self:
Don't be fooled by the machinery. A political party is not really a party. It's a philosophy, a platform, a virus whose goal is simply to maintain power. Politics have pundits. Parties have alcohol and music and dancing or, if you're too young for that, pinatas and cake. For what it's worth, you are probably more at home with cake and the blind beating of a cardboard cartoon character. (After all, your son's birthday party might be the only day you get to physically display your pent-up anger toward Elmo.) So unless Nancy Pelosi starts offering guacamole, let's use faction instead of party.
Sincerely:
John
Don't be fooled by the machinery. A political party is not really a party. It's a philosophy, a platform, a virus whose goal is simply to maintain power. Politics have pundits. Parties have alcohol and music and dancing or, if you're too young for that, pinatas and cake. For what it's worth, you are probably more at home with cake and the blind beating of a cardboard cartoon character. (After all, your son's birthday party might be the only day you get to physically display your pent-up anger toward Elmo.) So unless Nancy Pelosi starts offering guacamole, let's use faction instead of party.
Sincerely:
John
Sunday, May 2, 2010
lift up
Note To Self:
You have never held the capacity to levitate another person. Never. So, next time when you pray, try dropping the "we just lift them up in prayer to you." That's another thing, God is around rather than being "up there" so you probably don't need lift people to him in the first place. Fortunately, God is multilingual and understands you despite your awkward phraseology.
Sincerely:
John
You have never held the capacity to levitate another person. Never. So, next time when you pray, try dropping the "we just lift them up in prayer to you." That's another thing, God is around rather than being "up there" so you probably don't need lift people to him in the first place. Fortunately, God is multilingual and understands you despite your awkward phraseology.
Sincerely:
John
Saturday, May 1, 2010
grass catcher / parking lot
Note to Self:
You told yourself that you would not use the words "parking lot" or "grass catcher," but instead say "questions for a later time." After all, it's sort-of a passive-aggressive device that says, "Either what you are saying is irrelevant and I don't want to talk about it or is really important and I am afraid to have the conversation." Today you used those phrases twice - when there was neither a grass catcher or a parking lot nearby. I know you are fond of metaphors, but you have to admit that there is a threshold on the cheesy factory and parking lot / grass catcher fits in the same semantic environment as synergy and team player.
Sincerely:
John
You told yourself that you would not use the words "parking lot" or "grass catcher," but instead say "questions for a later time." After all, it's sort-of a passive-aggressive device that says, "Either what you are saying is irrelevant and I don't want to talk about it or is really important and I am afraid to have the conversation." Today you used those phrases twice - when there was neither a grass catcher or a parking lot nearby. I know you are fond of metaphors, but you have to admit that there is a threshold on the cheesy factory and parking lot / grass catcher fits in the same semantic environment as synergy and team player.
Sincerely:
John
epic
Note To Self:
Sincerely:
John
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